Dawson State Day Two

I spent Saturday talking with some different people than the ones I met on Friday.

We got into the dorm at about 9:15 and almost everyone was still in bed. There were two guys with cleaning duty sitting at a table, so we sat down and started talking with them. They were both Christians, but, as is typical, were struggling with doing well in prison, but failing on the outside. If you think about it, we all have this problem, it's just that most of us don't go to prison because of our mistakes. Either our sins/failings aren't illegal or we just don't get caught.

I showed both men a chart that Josh Proctor showed me about four years ago. It talks about self-reliance, self-condemnation, and self-indulgence. God used it to change my life and I've been able to share it with lots of people; not all of them in prison... If you want me to show you, let me know.

After a while, Jon Kregel came in to speak. He's a former NASL soccer star who actually played with Pele and ended up doing time in Texas for cocaine possession. He's also a polyglot who speaks six languages fluently (English, French, Spanish, Italian, German, and Portuguese.) and is a translator for the Federal Courts in Dallas; he thought this was quite funny - a convicted felon, translating in the courts. When he was done with his story, I was able to talk with two guys, Randy and Richard, from Fort Worth who were doing time for driving a stolen car and drug possession respectively. Richard was already a Christian and Randy was not interested. He said that he didn't want to lie to me and pretend that he was interested when he knew that he would just go back to his old ways when he got out. He also said that he just wanted to do what he wanted to do and didn't want to change. I said that I understood and that he was in good company because that is exactly what Lucifer said.

I don't normally say things like that, but it was obvious to me that it needed to be said. He looked at me kind of funny, but seemed to accept the truth of my statement. At least we continued our conversation and Richard commented that he was suprised that Randy stayed and talked. Apparently, he usually just walks away. Nothing immediate came of that conversation, but God's word does not return void.

We had lunch again - not quite up to the level of day one - and I spent most of the rest of the day talking with Keith, my friend that is getting out next week and is scared spitless that he'll be back. He was very concerned about the tattoos on his arms and how they would keep him from getting a good job. I tried to encourage him to try to get the best work he could, but I was having trouble not agreeing with his logic regarding the tattoos.

Right before I left, I went over to the corner to a guy I had met at lunch, Devon. He was a Jehovah's Witness and my conversation with him is fodder for another blog...

Prison

Hey all,

Carla and I are heading to Dawson State Prison tomorrow, 11/14/08, in downtown Dallas. We'll be going both Friday and Saturday from 8 to 3 with 900 other volunteers. We are spread out all over the Metroplex and as far away as Mineral Wells and Venus (not the planet).

Please pray for us whenever we come to mind. Our girls are staying with friends until Saturday so we would appreciate it if you would keep them in your prayers also.

I'm trying to think of words to describe what I saw tonight at the Arlington Hilton; the DFW Headquarters for the Bill Glass Weekend of Champions (WOC).

We walked into the lobby and I immediately started seeing people that I haven't seen in two years. Oddly enough, I don't remember all of their names, I just remember them from previous weekends. I hate to use cliches, but it was great to greet them like old friends; checking their name tags and making sure they could see mine.

I saw Lowell Curtis, James Curtis' father. He told me he's been on sixty six weekends. I ran into George; a guy that I met when he was a freshman (first time teammate) here in Dallas at Hutchins State Prison. He was scared but had a "damn the torpedoes" attitude. I was his prayer partner/buddy because he was a freshman. He left me after about five minutes and ended up leading six people to faith (I had nothing to do with it, I just got to pray for him). We saw Lori, Donna, Leesa, Scott, and David; all people we met in Huntsville, TX. I saw Alan Orr, Jack Murphy, Tully Blanchard (yeah, the guy from the Four Horsemen), and Bill Glass.

There were bikers in full leather, bankers in polos, cowboys, moms, dads, grandmas, grandpas, kids from DBU, and LOTS of old men making up for lost time. I smelled cigarette smoke, saw lots of tats and earrings.

We were in a room with 600 Christians singing praise to God the Father. What a weird bunch they were. I felt very much at home.

It's been two+ years since I have done a WOC. I miss it more than I can say. I miss being with people who are totally sold out and willing to give up a weekend to go to prison. Tomorrow, at the banquet, I promise that some old man is going to cry in front of everyone because God has broken his heart. I don't think I've been to a banquet where it didn't happen. The other cool thing is the freshman. Most of them will tell the same story; "I was scared to death. I couldn't believe I let him/her talk me into doing this. I really went just to get him/her to shut up and leave me alone. Then, when I went out on the floor/into the pod/out into the yard, I saw this guy and God told me to go talk to him. I talked with him for a little while and then got to lead him in a pray of salvation. I'm 40 years old and that's the first time I've every done that. I can't believe how good this feels and I can't wait to do it again."

I want you to come with me. Just try it one time. I haven't heard one single person say, "I never should have done that." I'm going to start praying that God would start working on some people's hearts. I will do my best to be the guy that you say, "I just went so he would leave me alone!" I know you're busy. Make it happen.

One thing I can tell you for sure; it's not Prison Break. I have
met very few beautiful people in prison and the prisons usually smell
like an elementary school right after recess... Also, the people that
you meet in prison are real people, not images or caricatures. The
problem is that they don't become real until you meet them; in prison. Come with Carla and me on a WOC.

My Other gods

Exodus 20:3 You shall have no other gods before Me.

Yesterday, I spent some time with some of my other gods.

I didn't really have a tough day, it was more a draining day. At the end of the day, I was going to eat dinner and then go meet the girls at church. I wrapped up my work, made dinner, and sat down to watch part of a movie on my new, fancy-schmancy TV while I ate.

Ironically, I didn't eat too much and the movie wasn't anything subversive.

But, I was counting on them to make me feel better.

As I was driving to church, I was thinking about why I didn't feel more at ease after a day of work. I had had a good dinner and relaxed with a cool movie. No big deal, right? The problem is that I was counting on something temporal to give me satisfaction and it didn't work.

Just like I want to live for Him right now, I want to only go to him for my satisfaction. Food, relaxation, leisure, entertainment, etc. are cool and, I believe, gifts from God. Unfortunately, I sometimes use them to replace God.

Exodus 20:4-5 'You shall not make for yourselves an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the Earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God,...'

When Do You Live?

Yes, the gas leak in Arlington is right by our house; about a block away. Even I can hear it leaking. I asked the police/fire dude standing in the road if he would leave if it was his house. He said no...I'm trusting so far. The kids are understandably freaked out. Rusty, if the place blows up, you can have our Mac.

So, anyway.

Is it possible to live in the future? How about living in the past? Can it be done?

Have you ever met someone who is always looking back to the past? Always going over regrets of mistakes they've made? What about someone who constantly lives for when things will get better. They're not happy now or doing the right thing now, but they will be...

I was speaking in a nursing home this last weekend and was talking about God's plans. I gave them the ol' Jeremiah 29:11 passage, but was struggling with how to apply it to people who may think of themselves as at the end of their lives*.

I asked them to think back over their lives: the good, bad, and seemingly insignificant things they had done. I talked about how God used every part of their lives to make them into the person they are RIGHT NOW. Then I said, "You aren't at the end of your life, you're at the same time you've always been - right now."

After I said this, I stopped and stared at them, thinking over the words that had come unexpectedly from my mouth.

Let's think about this; have you ever really lived in a time other than right now? No, of course not. It isn't possible. But we all know or are people who live like they're in the past or the future. Try as we might, we'll never live any time except for right now.

I'm a future guy. I'm always expecting things to get better or change. This can be good, because I tend to be optimistic. But I also can be discontent in my current circumstances - whatever they may be. When routine sets in, it is difficult for me to not look expectantly to the future for some exciting, but non-existent change. I think that God is trying to teach me to live now. To be content now. To do the right thing now. To serve Him now. To be the person I'm supposed to be right now.

*My father lived in different nursing homes the last ten years of his life. They can be hopeless places. I'm generalizing. Not all nursing homes are like this. Work with me here.

Technorati Tags: life, missions, time

You Never Know...

My friend, Jessica Kaylor, died yesterday. She was 33, a wife and mother, and had been battling breast cancer for about four years.

I showed up at Jake and Jessica's house yesterday about 10:00 am. I was there to get pictures from their computer so that I could start working on the slideshow for her funeral (at Jake's request). When I saw all the cars parked around the house, my heart sank. I asked someone standing outside if she had died, and he said no. When I went in, most of her family was standing around her bed in the living room. She was still alive, but they were grieving as it was plain she would not last long. I felt weird being there, so I kind of hid in the kitchen, standing where no one could see me. All I could do was pray for the family and Jake specifically.

As I was standing there, Jessica's grandfather walked into the dining area and sat down. He noticed me and said, "How are you today, sir?" I said, "I'm fine and I'm sorry you're not." He sort of lost his composure and said, "When you wake up in the morning, you never know what's going to happen before you go to bed at night."

I didn't know what else to say, so I just stood there in silence, thinking about what he had said.

You never know.

I am, of course, reassured that God the Father DOES know what will happen before I go to bed tonight. But I do not know. I think I need to stop acting like I do know or like I should know or like I should be prepared for everything and anything that comes down the pipe. Maybe it's OK to not know what's going to happen and to not even be ready for it, but to rest in the fact that He knows.

I hope and pray that this statement will stick with me for the rest of my life.

I pray blessing and peace on my brother-in-Christ, Jake Kaylor. He has soldiered long and hard; fighting for his wife, caring for her, sacrificing everything in his care and devotion to her. I know that he has a hard three and half years and that things are not necessarily going to get any easier as he now has three girls to raise without their mother.

He has been a tremendous example to me of what a husband should be.

The Guy Behind Me

I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I'm going to anyway. You're going to think I'm really weird and maybe even consider not hanging out with me after this admission, but I hope that doesn't happen. If it does, I guess I'll just have to live with it. I can take it.

Here goes; I go the speed limit. I use my cruise control all the time. That way, I can set it and know that I'm OK. (I'm sure there is a metaphor with the whole cruise control thing, but I'm working another angle.)

In the interest of full disclosure, I did get a speeding ticket about six years ago. I was going from 360 to Broad and I missed the 40 MPH sign. Fortunately, the officer had a smidgen of mercy on me and the ticket was only for 19 miles over. woo hoo... There have also been a few times the last months that I have convinced myself that I needed to speed. Part of the reason I'm writing this is to make sure I don't do that anymore. It really helps to be accountable...

OK, enough of the mea culpa, let me tell you about the guy behind me.

I don't have a problem with people who go faster than me. You know, the guy who does 75+ all the time because he's late to something. All the time. Yes, it can be dangerous, but at least he's honest about it. "I'm going fast, get out of the way!"

As for people who go slower than the limit, I'm not really sure what to think. Tori calls it "My own personal speed limit." Maybe they're scared, talking on the phone, unaware of the speed limit, have a crummy car, etc. I just hope they don't expect me to go that slow...

It's the guy behind me that really drives me crazy. I'll be cruising along, I'll look behind me and there he is, going the speed limit. I could be on a five lane highway and this dude will stay right behind me, not necessarily tailgating, but never changing lanes. But, if I change lanes (which I usually do), he will speed up and start doing the same speed as the traffic. That's when it hits me. I think "Wait, were you only going the speed limit because I was in the way??"

Yeah, it's "Markie is way too judgmental day." Don't even get me started on how the entire freeway suddenly knows exactly what the speed limit is and how fast they're going as soon as someone spots a cop.

Sculpture of You

So, just pretend that you're a gifted sculptor. You know, one of those people who can chip away everything that doesn't look like David...

Can you imagine what it would be like to put so much work into such a sculpture and then, when you were finished, people did nothing but point out its flaws? I suppose that I might be able to deal with this, but what if the sculpture itself started to say "why is my nose so big?" "Why did you make me with such a bad temper?" "Why is my hair this color?" "Why do I have this blemish?"

You, as the master sculptor, would respond by smashing the thing...OK, that's how I would respond. You would probably say, "I made your nose like that on purpose." "Yes, you have a fiery temper, but you also have passion. I gave you passion, but you channel it through your anger." "I like that color on you." "I put that blemish there on purpose."

This is starting to sound dangerously like one of those "Footprints in the Sand" kind of things...so let's go to the meat.

I'm constantly bothered by the thought that I am not where I am supposed to be. Yes, I understand that it is important to strive to improve myself, but that is not what I'm talking about. At no time in my life have I EVER thought "wow, I'm exactly where I should be, doing exactly what I should be doing." I always feel guilty about things that are not being done, attitudes that I should change, and the mistakes that shape my life.

Could it be that if I am submitted to God and am following his ways, that I AM exactly where I should be? Could it be that the place I am in now is not a surprise to God and is, therefore, where he wants me to be?

Before you reject that idea and/or start to add all the qualifiers, chew on it for a bit.

What if you, in all your inadequacies, faults, sins, failures, and triumphs, are where God intended you to be all along? What if he actually made you for this insignificant moment? You with your divorce, the damage you've caused to the people around you, the mistakes you made in college that forced you to take seven years instead of four (guilty), the child you gave up for adoption, the people who have hurt/used you, the parents that made your life hard because of their many mistakes.

What if God is using all the clay, mud, dirt, marble, straw, gold, and diamonds that are your life to make you into the person you are right now. What if God doesn't worry about the person you're going to be or that you were, but instead focuses on the person that you are.

Wow, what a weight off...

Submitted

So, I was in Mongolia...(click the link and make sure to read #5, it's worth it.)

Anyway, I was on a mission trip and I asked Brent Edwards, the trip leader, if I could lead the devotional one morning. He said sure. I felt strongly led by God to talk about the issue of obedience v. sacrifice as addressed in I Samuel 15:22 and Psalm 51:16-17.

I started my little talk by saying, "I keep hoping this is a word for someone else." I just let it hang there and Chris Machen started laughing. Obviously, he had experienced the same thing.

That is sort of how I feel right now. I hope this is a word for someone else, but I've got a scary feeling that it is a word for me.

Is there a difference between being committed to God and being submitted to God?

I put this question to some friends in choir tonight and Jenks asked "Is it possible to do one without the other?" I think he's got a good point, but, after some thought, I think it is possible to be committed without being submitted.

Some examples from Scripture:

• The Rich Young Ruler - he was committed. According to him, he had kept all of the commandments since his youth. Whether or not he actually had isn't relevant; HE thought that he had. But was he submitted? No. When Jesus asked him to do something that wasn't on the list, as hard and harsh as it was, the RYR said 'No' with his feet.
  
• Gideon - with the fleece, he was twice committed. When he gathered the army, I believe this is evidence that he was submitted. The stuff he did with 300 men was only possible with God's help; that's submission.
  
• Peter - Before the crucifixion - committed. After the Resurrection and his time with Jesus on the beach - submitted to his core.
  
• Noah - Submitted
  
• Moses - I think he also started out committed, but, sometime around the parting of the Red Sea, proved he was submitted.
  
• Paul - Before the road to Damascus - committed. After - submitted.
  

OK, now for the hard part. Am I committed? Of course I am. I go to church three times a week, I read the Bible, teach Sunday School, go on mission trips, and I don't smoke, drink, or chew (tobacco, that is). I can usually find I Thessalonians, I've memorized some verses, listen exclusively to Christian music, and I wear Christian t-shirts. You want the checklist? I got it.

Am I submitted? I'm having trouble answering this question. Of course I want to SAY that I'm submitted to God, but that would mean that I would have to BE submitted to God. If I decide that I'm not submitted, then I'll have to do something about it. This isn't something that one can safely lie about...

I think that being committed is the laundry list of things that we do to prove that we are good Christians. This isn't necessarily bad - James says that he shows his faith by his deeds. But I think that being submitted is when you follow God's list. He doesn't have as much stuff on his list, but His list is much harder to check off. Maybe that's it, you can't check the stuff off of God's list, you can only do them. Always.

As usual, I don't think this is the only and final answer. I'm really trying to reason this out. Brothers and sisters, help me out. What do you think?

Church

I remember being 19. Really. I was so sure of everything that was right and wrong. I wasn't afraid to let others know when they were doing something wrong.

As I got older, I think this was tempered a bit, but not much. My new attitude was "if you're not where I am spiritually, you're not in the right place."

Now, I hope my attitude is one of letting God deal with me where I am and letting God deal with people where they are. The important part of this is that it is OK for this to happen. You don't have to be where I am and I don't have to be where you are. Does this make sense?

Last week, I ran into an interesting attitude. I was having a discussion with someone about the death penalty. I used to be adamantly, all-the-time, black-and-white for the death penalty. While I am still in favor of the death penalty, it is with great reluctance.

The guy I was talking to was a believer and was against the death penalty. No problem; one needs to stand up for what they believe is right. However, in our discussion his attitude seemed to be "If you would just think about this as much as I have, you would agree with me." As you can imagine, I had a problem with that. My response was "What if I have thought about this issue and I still agree with the implementation death penalty?" I haven't heard back from him...

I've been reading a lot of Christians lately who are very upset with the Church. Their basic complaint seems to be that the Church is flawed and not doing a very good job keeping up with the changes in our culture.

What's the big deal? Seriously, did people really not know the Church was flawed? Was this some big surprise? Did everyone suddenly wake up some time around January 2000 and figure out that we're not perfect? Of course we're not perfect. If you want to go to a church where you're greeted immediately, and people get to know you, make you feel welcome, shake your hand, ask about your kids/job/life/spouse, and where the preacher doesn't make you mad and where you love the music, don't come to my church. It's not going to happen. Take your august self somewhere else. I promise you that if you show up with this freaking laundry list of things that have to happen NONE of it will happen. You'll be sitting in your lonely pew, crying in your bulletin that nobody is paying attention to you, the music is too loud/quiet/fast/slow and the pastor doesn't speak good...

How does this tie into the attitudes I was talking about earlier? These are Christians I'm talking about, i.e. people who should know better. These are people who are mad/upset/disappointed with everyone else at church because they (the Church) doesn't think the same way the complainers do. If a church doesn't have a homeless ministry, does that mean the church isn't in God's will? What if the church isn't relevant to today's culture and doesn't have small groups/cells/life groups and multiple satellite locations? Are they not where they should be with the Father?

In the interest of clarification, I think that it's great that churches have homeless ministries and I'm trying to get mine to go to downtown Dallas. I also like the idea of cell groups, but don't really like the whole satellite concept. Does that mean that I don't think churches should do the whole "satellite" thing. Of course not. I go to prisons with Bill Glass ministries. Does that mean that you should also? Maybe, but that's between you and God, not between me and you. If you don't go with me to prison or to downtown Dallas, it doesn't make me mad or even disappointed; I am compelled to go regardless of who goes with me. It is fruitless to get angry or upset with other people over this. Believe me, I've tried being people's Holy Spirit and it's no fun.

Having said all that, do I think that many Christians need to get out of their couch zone, turn off the TV, and go talk with some actual humans, just like Jesus did*? Yes. Does it bother me that many Christians talk the talk, but don't walk at all? Yes. Am I going to let it keep me awake nights? No. I'm responsible to do what God has called me to do and for me it ends there. If you want to go to prison with me or do some work in Dallas, email me.

Please let me know what you think of this. Am I way off base?


*OK, Jesus didn't turn off the TV...

Blood and Fire

Blood and Fire
Originally uploaded by markie13

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Some Very Interesting Blogs

For some reason, there are a number of very cool blogs I'm reading today. I highly recommend you taking a look at each of them. I promise they are worth the trip:

1. 'Shocking Confession' from Willow Creek
2. Faithful Atheists
3. Mom, Dad...I got married

The Story

I've always had trouble with the word 'transparency' as we use it today. I don't really know why. Maybe because it is an ill-defined word. Does it mean 'see-through' or 'humble?' Does it mean that one doesn't hide anything? It could mean any of these things, depending on how it is used. I think that most people, when they say that we should be transparent, mean honest.This last weekend, Carla was reading the biography of Eric Liddell to us as we drove out to Wylie. (You know, '

Chariots of Fire' and all that...) In the story, Eric is a missionary in China and gives a devotional to the Chinese kids he is teaching. He talks about the meaning of the word 'sincere.' According to Liddell, sincere comes from two words: sine, meaning 'without,' and cere, meaning 'wax.' Apparently, sculptors would stamp the word 'sincere' at the bottom of their sculptures, indicating that it was 'without wax.' In other words, no wax was used to cover up blemishes or errors in the sculpture. If there were any imperfections, the artist left them visible.

Liddell went on to say that this is how we should live our lives as Christians; without wax. However, it seems that we spend so much time trying to cover up our blemishes and imperfections that we're completely COVERED with wax.

The irony is that, just like an artist would purposely leave blemishes visible, God made us just like we are; covered with blemishes and imperfections. Yet, we conceal what God created and only let people see what we want them to see; a false image of ourselves that we can control.

The Application

So, what does this look like? Does this mean that we should share every little problem and insecurity that we have? I don't know. I hate to sound all churchy, but I have a funny feeling we're going to get somewhere like "It looks like Jesus." Then we have to ask, what does THAT mean?

What do you think?

Yours, without wax,

mark

The Day II

This is part two of The Day I

So, the flight was awesome. Usually, Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) lessons are very indepth, but not very personal. I don't really know how to explain this, it's just how I feel. Anyway, it seemed that so many of the passages spoke directly to me. They either dealt with me and what I was doing or with Mike and Lauren. I guess you'll just have to take my word for it...

When I arrived at John Wayne airport, my friend Steve Basden called me from Adventures In Missions (AIM). He told me that they had spent their morning devotional time covering me in prayer and that he wanted to pray the armor of God over me. So, while I stood outside in the California air, he prayed for me from 2,000 miles away. It was great to know that I had people praying for me all over the US, but especially good to know that my brothers and sisters at AIM were taking it to the Lord and doing battle in the spirit.

My oldest brother, Ken, picked me up and we drove off. He had driven fifty miles just to take me to Mission Viejo and drop me off - what a man! While he drove, we talked about the situation and then, when he dropped me off, he prayed for me. It seems like this is much that I can't explain about this experience: my feelings as I prepared, the fervency with which I prayed, my time with God on the plane, my feelings as my oldest brother prayed for me and blessed me. He's prayed for me before, but never like this. I felt like I was being sent into battle with everything I needed.

He dropped me off at Mike's work and I went in with my rolling suitcase following behind me. Mike helped with marketing in a small call center and, therefore, had a cube all to himself (but no window, alas). When I got to his cube, I was informed that he was in a meeting. I sat down, checked my email, and started to play with the stuff on his desk. After about ten minutes, he showed up. He just stood there and kind of stared at me, then said my name. I could tell he was surprised...

I told him I wanted to take him to lunch, if that was OK, and that I needed a place to stay for a few days. He said I could stay at his place (what a nice guy). Mike's boss knew that I was in from out of town, so he let Mike take off a little early for lunch. We went to some Mexican place - a California Mexican place. (If this doesn't mean anything to you, don't worry about it. The food was good.)

It's important for me to reiterate a point here; I rarely listen to what people are saying. I'm usually planning my next move or trying to analyze what they're saying so I can figure out what they really mean. This is not good. The whole way to California and all the time I was there, God kept telling me to be quiet and listen. To let Mike and Lauren talk and not make judgements of them. Throughout the entire time I was there, I made a concerted effort to not speak about important issues until I felt released by God to do so. Sorry if this freaks you out, but that doesn't change anything.

Neither one of us figured we had a much time for chit-chat, so we got right to the point. He said that it took him about thirty seconds to figure out why I was there, and I asked him not to be upset with his sister for telling me. I didn't figure he would be, he's just not that kind of guy, but I wanted to be sure.

I don't remember much of what we said. I just remember trying to listen to him without all that garbage in my head. It was obvious that he didn't know what to do. While I was trying not to make any judgements (or smack him in the head - I've know this boy since he was six), he said that he knew I thought abortion was wrong and he didn't like it either, but he didn't know what else to do. They had gone to get some counseling at PP (I refuse to name them, as they might get some linkage from it), and had, of course, been counseled to get an abortion. He spoke about how this was going to put a serious damper on his life and plans for the future. This is where God's hold on my tongue was a very good thing. Rather than saying what I really wanted to say, I said "On Friday, your life will be changed, no matter what you do. It'll either be changed with a baby or without, but you'll never be the same person after that day." As it turns out, he said this was one of the statements I made that really made him think about what he was doing.

Next, a trip to Lauren's house...

Vision

I've recently finished the autobiography of Phil Vischer, the Veggie Tales guy. It's a great read and I highly recommend it.

Anyway, to make a long story short (too late!!), he lost everything. I don't think he even owns Bob and Larry anymore. I know he doesn't own Big Idea (the Veggie Tales company). He said that he had all these great plans and visions about becoming the Christian Disney and now the plans are all dead. God made it clear to him that He didn't want Phil's plans and dreams, he only wanted Phil.

Related to that, Vischer points out that the verse most Evangelicals use to explain/excuse our plans is the King James' version of Proverbs 29:18a - Where there is no vision, the people perish… From this, we get our mega-churches and building programs; man-created visions that we expect God to bless.

He then points out that the NIV version of this verse is quite different: Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restrain… According to Vischer, when the KJV used the word ‘vision,' it meant something totally different in 1611 than it does now. Then, it meant that God gave one a vision or that God gave vision. Now, it means "our plans for the future." However, if we wait for God to reveal himself and/or his plans, imagine what could happen!

So, that's what I'm trying to do right now; wait/look for God's revelation of his plan. I've got all kinds of great ideas and plans for what I should be doing, but I can't say that they are God's plans. I pray that he will show me the way to go.

This is really hard. As an American man, I'm supposed to have a five year plan, a vision of very specific goals that I am committed to reaching. It's hard to let that go and let God give HIS vision for my family's future. In Amos 3:7, Amos says, Surely the Sovereign LORD does nothing without revealing his plan to his servants the prophets. I don't think I'm a prophet - that's not the point - but I do think that God wants to reveal his plans.

My prayer, for you and for me, is that we would follow God's direction

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

Secundina Vimeo

Segundina from Mark Lindberg and Vimeo.

A Traitor

I feel like Cypher, the guy from the Matrix that sold out the whole group so that he could go back to his old life.

"You know, I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize? [Takes a bite of steak] Ignorance is bliss."

Cypher had, for whatever reason, grown tired of real life and wanted to go back into the Matrix, where he could live in blissful ignorance of the real world.

I almost wish I could go back. I could still be working in Dallas - at a different place. I could be making $60K a year and have a great health plan, maybe even a new house.

[This is the part of the movie in which I fall asleep/get hit on the head and have a dream where I see what my life would have been like if I hadn't made the choices that I've made.]

Of course, my life would royally suck. I'd be divorced/very unhappy, my kids would be distant, and I'd be in debt up to my eyeballs. I'd have a cool loft and a great car, but would be all alone. None of what I had would mean anything to me because everything that was truly important would be gone. I would also see how my selfish choices adversely affected those around me; my family especially. I would probably cry in agony as I tried to win back what I had lost, unable to reach those most dear to me.

At the end of the movie, I would come to the realization that my wife and family were more important than anything. Then, I would wake up, step in dog pee, hear my girls fighting and smile, knowing that I was doing the right thing.

OK, I'm ready to wake up now.

In His Will

Can you imagine what that would feel like? Can you imagine what that would be like?

I'm not sure I've ever been there, but I think I have. I don't mean that I was perfectly in God will, but there have been times when I felt like I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing.

Does this sound scary? I think it should. Everyone knows stories of someone who was so convinced that they were doing God's will that they either did something really stupid or were absolutely unwilling to listen to any counsel that contradicted what they believed. How does one prevent this from happening?

I don't know. But, I do have some ideas. Shock!

For me, my most recent, real life example would be raising support to go on staff with AIM. There were quite a few people who didn't think this was a good idea (there were also a fair number of people who supported our decision to go with AIM). I have a family to support, bills to pay, that kind of thing. Most of the people who didn't support the idea were very close to us, making it all the harder to accept. How does one stand against an unexpected onslaught of well thought-out criticism that is contrary to what one believes should be done? Did God really tell me what he wanted me to do? Did he just open a door of opportunity to see if I would take it? Or, was what I thought I should do actually contrary to God's will?

The Test - taken from AIM literature, but adaptable to just about anything

1. Does it exalt Christ? (John 16:14)
2. Is it scriptural? (Proverbs 30:5-6)
3. Do other Christians confirm it? (Proverbs 15:22)
4. Does it produce good fruit? (John 15: 1-16)
5. Does God bring it to pass? (Isaiah 55: 10-11)

The answers, by the numbers:

1. Yes. By foregoing the things that the world has to offer in terms of status, advancement, and security, I was/am following God's desires - Matthew 6:33, Luke 9:23
2. Yes. See verses in previous answer
3. Yes. Many of my friends confirmed that this was a good idea. Does this make it right? No, but it sure helps.
4. Yes. I've been able to spend more of my time in ministry - going on mission trips, going to prisons, talking at church. I believe that God has used these opportunities to bring people to him. I've got stories if you want to hear them...leave a comment.
5. Yes. Ten months after Carla and I decided to go full-time with AIM, we had raised over 100% of our support-raising goal.
   

So, with this test, I can say that God wanted us to go with AIM. Does this mean I'm right? No, of course not. But it does give me a level of confidence that I would not otherwise have.

Ok, back the original questions: Can you imagine what that would feel like? Can you imagine what that would be like? Am I there now? I don't know. I sure don't feel like I am - see the previous post. I think that we/I get stuck in the past. Sort of a 'if I did it this way before, it must be the only way' kind of thing. It doesn't appear to work this way with God. Not that one always has to think of new ways to talk to God and/or get his approval - nothing could be farther from the truth. It's more that one cannot rest on one's laurels. One needs to keep growing.

This is what I think happened to me; I have stopped trying to grow in my relationship with God. I just expected that what I had done in the past would be all I needed to do. To keep the record straight, God doesn't operate by performance-based acceptance (PBA). He loves us the same, no matter what and is always willing to forgive and restore us (I John 1:9, Ephesians 3: 17-19, Isaiah 38:17, Isaiah 43:25, Isaiah 55:6-7 (while I'm thinking about it, I just discovered Isaiah 58:6-11...very interesting), Joel 2:32) Ok, having said all that, I think that one needs to continue to learn and grow as a believer. It's like climbing a hill and stopping when you're at a place that you love and then never starting to climb again...

Dry Spell

I've been going through a dry spell.

I feel like God is not near.

I said this to someone when he asked if there was anything he could pray for. His first response to me was, 'Are you in the Word?' I had to say no.

I've been reading the Bible just for the heck of it. I pick up my small Bible and read Matthew. I was inspired to do this by Donald Miller, the guy who wrote 'Blue Like Jazz.' I'm sure it's a good idea and all, but I haven't spent any time studying God's word for three to four months.

So, of the last two mornings, I spent one of them actually studying. I'd love to say that everything is peachy, but of course it doesn't work that way. I do, however, feel like this is what I'm missing.

My wife and I led a mission trip to Mississippi at the beginning of July and I went will all the authority I could muster. AIM does a good job, I think, of letting project leaders know that they have been given spiritual authority over the trip. Throughout the entire trip, even after seeing God work and do cool stuff, I still felt like I wasn't right. I don't mean this in the sense of "I'm right and you're wrong,' I mean this in the sense that nothing felt right. There were a few times when I felt like I was solidly in his will, but, for the most part, I felt like I was on the outside, sort of hanging around for scraps from the table of his grace.

I do not blame God for this in any way. I'm the one who moved. He is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. His will and direction are constant.

Drew, the speaker at my local Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), said, 'There is a difference between being in God's grace and God's approval.' I have felt, maybe since I heard him say that, that I am living in God's grace, not in his approval. Right now, God is being patient and longsuffering with me - this is what I think anyway. I am living only for myself. My focus and desires are only for me.

It's kind of like exercise: I think about it, imagine what it would be like to do all the workouts and exercises that I should do, I imagine eating properly but I never do it. I see myself falling down in my closet and asking God to forgive me for my sloth, arrogance, shortsightedness, and desire to go my own way. But I never do it.

I want to know what God wants me to do. I want to do what God wants me to do. I do not want to have a will of my own. I only want to follow him - to be part of whatever he is doing.

The Day

On 2/15, I was on the way to Mission Viejo, CA to talk with my nephew and his girlfriend - more on the particulars later. Here's what happened on the plane ride there.

I had the most incredible time with God this morning as I flew from Dallas to Orange County. I was doing my BSF lesson about Abraham, Isaac, and Rebekah. I felt like God wrote the whole lesson just for me to use today.

I was sitting on the plane and suddenly, the question popped into my head, ‘Why am I doing this? What is the justification for this radical action?’

First, Carla and I prayed and asked God for guidance.
We spent much time in prayer, together and alone, crying out to God. We thought he was telling us to go, but asked him for a sign. We decided, after some conversation, that we knew we should go, it was just matter of when.

Second, we received confirmation that God wanted me to go.
All of our Christian brothers and sisters who heard of the situation and our plan to go confirmed that it was a good idea. They offered airline miles and offered help to Carla at home alone with the girls. Most importantly, my niece gave me her ok to go. She had told us this terrible secret against her brother’s spoken request and we did not want to have to betray her brother’s confidence.
For Carla and me, getting her permission was the sign that NOW was the time to go. It was very hard for me to wait for this – I wanted to go ASAP. However, my wise wife counseled me by reminding me that we had asked God for a sign and we needed to wait in faith for his timing. Proverbs 12:4.

Third, I got confirmation from God’s word.
On the plane to Orange County, I decided to do my Bible Study Fellowship lesson (BSF). For those of you who know, it was lesson 20 of the Genesis study. As I studied, the passages from the study began to speak directly to me about the situation I was in. Almost every verse and passage spoke to my heart and encouraged me, or gave me wisdom for what to tell my nephew and his girlfriend.
Here’s list of the scriptures that God used to speak to me (NIV):

James 3:17, 18
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

James 4:17
Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t, sins.

II Corinthians 1:3 – 5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

II Corinthians 7:6a
But God, who comforts the downcast…

Colossians 2:2,3
My purpose is that they might be encourage in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, 3in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Matthew 11:28 – 30
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Psalms 25:9
He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.

Matthew 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

Ezekiel 36:27
And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.

Psalms 18:6
In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.

Psalms 18:16 – 19
He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. 17He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. 18They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. 19He brought me into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Psalms 118: 5 – 7
In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free. 6The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? 7The Lord is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.